I get complaints sometimes that the theme of my blog rambles. Well, get ready for more!

Hold Still. Talk Softly. Smile and don't move

I am prepping for Yellowstone, and recently found out they have grizzlies. It appears that they are all hibernating right now, but ya know what? I think it would be worth knowing what to do if a bear attacks.

If you were at thinktank and heard Orie’s story, you would know why you don’t want to get caught by a bear in the woods! I’ll just say it was the most graphic animal story you ever heard. If you search twitter well enough, you might find it! I am afraid that somehow that inspired our upcoming trip.

So, first off I found someone who knows the scoop, the Bearman! It appears that he sells Bear Spray on his site, so if you are looking for Bear Spray, check him out! (I also have gotten sick of looking at commercial sites with no real content on them, so want to direct some traffic over to some good data!

So here is the scoop according to the Bear Man! (My interpretation of his suggestions)

If you get attacked by a bear and the below doesn’t work, send me an e-mail and I will send you a free t-shirt! (Only half kidding, but really I have no idea, so don’t follow my advice and listen to someone who knows like the bearman!)

This replaces my previous advice which was, if attacked by a bear, lie down and be eaten.

If attacked by a bear!

1. Find out if it is a Black Bear or a Grizzly! (If you don’t imediately know then read the label by the tail.)

2. If it is a Black Bear go ape S#&t and try to scare or fight it off, as it might want to eat you!

3. If it is a Grizzly stand still and face it, don’t scream and run off into the woods. They run something like 14 feet per second and will chase you!

4. Don’t try to climb a tree or the Grizzly will follow you and they climb up to 30 feet up!

5. If the Grizzly comes at you he is probably feeling threatened by you. He just wants to knock you down and maybe scrape your back, or bite your skull for a second, but not eat you. Here is the fun part, hold still! Some people claim talking softly to the Grizzly also may help your chances. Try saying things like “I used to watch Gentle Ben growing up” or “Yogi the bear is my favorite cartoon”.

So in summary it’s easy, if a black bear attacks you fight him, yell etc.

If a Grizzly attacks, stand your ground, but be calm and don’t move or yell. If he attacks and chews on your skull, hold still as he will probably leave you alone. If he doesn’t stop with the chewing, he probably thinks he is a black bear, so go back to number 2 above and scream or yell, then recomend that he subscribes to my RSS feed, so he gets better educated before his next encounter.